she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize