im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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