he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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