I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
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Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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