So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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