i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
why is half of my head shaved?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize