When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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