highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
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don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
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At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
BRING THE BAGELS
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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