Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize