oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize