Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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