he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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