you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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