First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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