organizing the empties. That sober.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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