white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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