I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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