remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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