I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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