We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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