at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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