I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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