U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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