he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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