I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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