I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
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I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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