I think i peed on brittanys purse
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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