my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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