Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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