i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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