You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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