then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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