god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
do nipples grow back?
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