Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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