Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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