I puked a lego.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I enjoy the company of your penis
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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