Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official drugs can't kill me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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