You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize