Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize