Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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