Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize