just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
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You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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