you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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