We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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