i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
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He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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