I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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