I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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