I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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