is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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