doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
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