The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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